TWW: Post Transfer Anxiety
Written by Emily
If you’re in the IVF community, you’ve likely heard of the “two week wait” (a phrase many women will abbreviate in Facebook communities as the dreaded “TWW”). Aside from coping with a failed transfer, the TWW is absolutely the most emotionally paralyzing process of IVF.
For those not entirely familiar with the IVF process, the TWW is the period between transfer day and the first beta HCG blood draw, usually 10 - 14 days apart depending on your provider. During this time, women often experience increased sensitivity to their body (known as “symptom spotting”) and the emotionally challenging decision of whether or not to test with an at-home pregnancy test prior to the blood draw.
Personally, I was in Facebook groups for MONTHS prior to our first embryo transfer, so I was familiar with the TWW and thought I had a game plan going into that myself - I wasn’t going to test at home because I had seen/heard of so many women putting themselves through an emotional rollercoaster despite at home tests not being as reliable as the blood draw. Specifically, I was worried that if the at home urine test was negative, I’d be so sad/distraught/emotional that even if the pregnancy was viable when I took the urine test, those negative emotions would result in a loss of that pregnancy. After all, your emotions are heavily tied to your hormones.
And then I got to the TWW myself. And everything was different.
My game plan? Gone out the window.
I had gone in for the transfer on a Monday, and made sure I took that day and the next day off of work. I wanted to be able to relax in the immediate post transfer period, and do all the “wives tales” they tell you about in those Facebook groups (not that any of them work, but we will talk about those at a later date).
Those first two days I was stressed. I probably would’ve been better off working so I could take my mind off the itty bitty teeny weeny ball of cells that had been implanted hours prior (I was terrified of simply ‘peeing it out’ which is not logical, I know). I physically had to wear noise cancelling headphones almost 24/7 so I could tune into a good podcast or audiobook, and attempt (and fail at) not thinking about being pregnant.
I made it all of 4 days post transfer before I tested with a urine test for the first time.
Scratch that - I tested with 3 urine tests for the first time.
Each one was negative.
With those negative tests, I spiraled, and tested every single day with the same 3 types of tests for the remainder of the TWW.
I tested for weeks after the TWW too. I was so scared by that initial negative that I genuinely had a hard time believing the proceeding positive tests, and even the beta HCG (that was in the 7,000s when it only had to be greater than 100, by the way).
Did testing early relieve my anxiety about the beta blood draw?
No.
Did testing early relieve my anxiety about the viability of the pregnancy?
No.
Did testing early give me peace of mind?
No.
Am I glad I tested early?
Yes, but I would seriously re-consider the next time around.
Those answers may seem confusing, because to be honest the feelings behind them are also confusing. Testing early did not solve any of the problems I thought it would solve, but for some reason I am glad I did it. I felt like I was doing something - like I had 20 minutes per day to think about the pregnancy, but that was it - after the test and the results, I could move on and focus on other things.
The best way I can describe it is TWW anxiety is like food noise, and testing early was my Ozempic. Testing shut down the noise, but didn’t solve the problem - it only quieted it down so I could move about life like a normal person.
I was damn near into my 2nd trimester before I finally stopped testing on at-home urine tests. It was my crutch, even though I felt every bit of first trimester nausea, food aversion, fatigue, and brain fog that would reassure me regularly that this pregnancy was sticking around.
So, dear reader, what advice do I have?
I don’t. I won’t tell you that you absolutely should or should not test/not test during your TWW. What I will tell you is to listen to your body, listen to the little voice in your head, and act on intuition. But regardless of the results, know that at home tests are risky. They aren’t sensitive enough to detect viable pregnancies in their early stages, so whatever results you get - it is not set in stone. Don’t let that itty bitty little pee stick make or break your experience - that little embaby deserves every bit of positivity you can muster.
